My idea for this blog was strictly for journal purposes. It was intended to act as a "journal" for me...one that I could look back on for comfort, help, guidance and as a reminder. I also intended it to be a something that my kids and husband could read and take part in.
After I had read a friends blog one day, I was determined that I would do my best to share my testimony as often as I could about the things that I am learning through the trials I have experienced. Her blog was positive and uplifting...even though she was in the midst of losing yet another child. She had a testimony of the Savior and the plan of salvation, and she shared it with others. It was beautiful and inspiring. I continue to find many others whom share such sweet inspiring testimonies...others that help drive me to continue to seek out the things of importance. I know that I am not alone in this 'roller coaster' life of trials and tribulations. And so I add another reason for writing...to share My testimony with hopes that it will inspire and comfort others as well.
I believe life is full of learning experiences, some greater than others, I believe that sometimes we deprive ourselves the opportunity to learn from the experiences that Heavenly Father has given us. For instance, from as early as I can remember, I have been afraid of death. "What is on the other side...Will I really see my family again?" Until I was faced with the trial of losing one of my greatest blessings, a son, I feared something that is actually very beautiful. I could choose to sit and dwell on the what ifs, and the things that I can't control or I could use the opportunity to learn and seek out help from a very kind Father in Heaven to learn about this 'death' experience. I am trying the latter of the two. I am discovering that death...it isn't as scary as I once believed. I have faith that I will in fact, see my little boy again, smiling and waiting to greet me..."MOMMY"! I am learning that I can't even begin to grasp what beauty is waiting on the other side. As I continue to read and learn, my mind is discovering things that I could not have comprehended before this "tragedy" in my life occurred. FEAR is often what deprives us from learning that there is beauty beyond the trial.
I read today something that made me think..."On several occasions, the Lord has said that he will prove his people. He will test us to see if we are truly committed to keeping our covenants with him. In one of the revelations he says to us, 'I will have a pure people, saith the Lord, that will serve me in righteousness.' In another, he said that he will prove us in all things to see if we will serve him, even unto death. And if we cannot abide in our covenants even unto death, we are not worthy of him." Do I have the strength to stand for truth and "prove" myself...even in the midst of great trials and tribulations? Or, will I turn away out of fear and lack of faith? Quite the question I've decided! How about my faith? Do I lack faith...?
I believe that is one of the reasons the Lord works the way that He does.
When we first began this journey...leaving our home in Mesa for something different and new...we did not anticipate nor did we consider any of the stones that were thrown in our path as "stepping stones". I believe that that is exactly what these stones are. They are not at all something that is meant to cause us pain or torment us, but rather bring us joy...later, sometimes much later. I am not suggesting that death, bankruptcy, loosing a house or job is a "joyous" occasion...but that eventually these trials become experiences that strengthen us and eventually bring us joy as we are allowed to see the "bigger picture".
For example:
When we moved from Mesa to Maricopa, we experienced some of the hardships that might exist in a marriage after moving away from parents, siblings and in-laws...those that we hold close and spent a lot of our time with. And although they were only 30-45 minutes away, we discovered that the convenience of having family close as well as NOT having the conveniences of Costco, Target, and Walmart let alone a "normal" grocery store close by were great sacrifices! However this would prove to be just a "small" stone.
After selling our home (which we never did get to live in) in Casa Grande, we moved to Heber. That was a trial and quite the experience all in itself...another story though! We discovered that having friends and family only 30 minutes from Maricopa, was heavenly! Having NO friends or family close while we lived in Heber...not even any neighbors was hard! That stone that we experienced while living in Maricopa, was a stepping stone to prepare us for our new situation in a new place. We learned that we could do it though. It wasn't easy, but it was definitely worth every moment, because it taught us to rely on each other. It taught us that family is really everything! And that friends, good friends... are hard to come by, but worth the effort in making them, and keeping them!
When we arrived in Taylor, after crossing, and sometimes stumbling over many more small but important stones in our path, I've discovered that each stone has had a very special purpose. Each has brought us to a new level of learning.
I recall on numerous occasions asking my mother, and complaining to my father, "WHY?". "Why do we have to time after time be tried like this?"
Boy, if I could have seen what was up ahead on our path...I would not have asked those questions. Every stone that I complained about...they were all just paving for me a bearable path to move forward on...without each and every one of those stones or trials, I would never have been able to bare some of these greater trials that Ed and I have had to endure. I firmly believe that God only gives one what they can handle, which is why I believe that we are given each and every trial that we are given, unique to us,...so that when the boulders come...and sometimes they are huge, we can press forward on our neatly paved path and endure. Is that what line upon line means? Here a little, there a little? We learn from a trial here and a trial there so we can handle the bigger ones later?
How grateful I am for these learning experiences...
1 comment:
Hey,
We are still here in Taylor, same house:) I love how you put it in this post. People always ask me if we regret moving to Taylor or anything that led to this, but my answer is honestly NO. Without all that we wouldn't have learned a thing, I am too greatful for the stepping stones Heavenly Father puts down for us. Thanks for your beautiful thought Sara.
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