C.Janes Chaos and Control: Theory...my response

I read a posting/article from http://blog.cjanerun.com/. It's for sure amongst some of the best reading material I have read in a while. It obviously touched me because I choose to respond. This was my response to her article...

Mmmm...I love this! My house is most always in a state of chaos! It's been that way for as long as I can remember. Dishes in the sink and laundry overflowing in baskets...I leave them until morning because I am too tired to worry about them and I know that they will wait for me...they are very loyal you know! It didn't bother me as much (this chaos) until a few years ago when we lost a child. While we were at the hospital, neighbors, ward members and friends came to attend to our needs. They cleaned my VERY messy home top to bottom! I was ever so grateful, but also very embarrassed at the same time because they had discovered my "secret" (the chaos behind closed doors and cupboards)! It haunts me to this very day... therefore I've become a bit of a drill sergeant to my other children. We all hate it! I bark the demands and they follow (grudgingly) orders. This is crazy I know, but I have this new fear that something might happen again and that these wonderful people will have to see my mess...AGAIN. How sad. Honestly, the day that my son passed away, aside from the tragedy itself, was a beautiful day. We didn't worry a bit about the mess that was left after having breakfast, or the misc. things that cluttered the table and couches, or the unmade beds and the mounds for laundry that sat in large heaps on the floor waiting for attention. We were too busy chopping wood and collecting fat, juicy worms in a bucket. We played. We had fun together. We enjoyed eachother instead of worring about the "chaos" that waited patiently inside. You are so very correct. The chaus can be fixed and put in order again. I am ever so grateful for that perfect moment before his passing and that we were smart enough to not worry then about the mess... so that we could enjoy one last perfect moment with our son and brother. Although it wasn't me that organized my chaos that day, those wonderful people allowed me the opportunity to feel peace in my home in a time when I was not able to do it for myself...and, even though the thought of having someone see my "chaos behind closed doors" still exists, your words reasured me that what's really important is the love that fills each and every nook and cranny of my home. Not the toys that sit scattered on the floor or the filthy spaghetti dishes that still sit in the sink from last nights dinner! Thanks for the reminder! I'll try harder to not bark so much at my other children about things that really don't matter much!