Bitter~Sweet...

I just got back from picking up Wesley and his friend, Noah, from school. We stopped at the post office on the way home and then decided to drive by the old house....which isn't an uncommon thing to do at least once a day due to all of the livestock we still have on the property which sits directly behind the old house. (Yes, I see my old life there almost everyday, which makes it all the more difficult.) Anyhow, as we came around the corner of our old street, Wesley and I noticed an old truck and horse trailer in the driveway and the barn doors open a bit. My first thought was..."Great someone decided to 'park it' for a while". (Which actually happened not that long ago. Someone decided to make use of our "vacant" barn to fix their cars in. Who does that?????) When Wesley and I noticed that they were painting the trim, I rolled down the window and asked the man on the roof if the house had finally sold. He said that it had and that they closed tomorrow. A surge of pain and excitement filled my heart and mind all at once. I can't describe it any better than that. PAIN and EXCITEMENT.

It saddens me tremendously to think of my house sitting empty and lifeless, but at the same time, seeing it empty made it feel as if there was still that small possibility we could go back. It saddens me even more to see it lived in with someone other than my own family! It's almost like it is officially done now...(even though it was officially done months ago). Now, there really is no looking back! Done. Final. Finished.

It must have felt this way for Wesley too. He was angry. All he could say is, "Look at what they have done to our house." "The trim looks dumb now." "Look at the back porch!" "I liked it better the way it was!" I reminded him that we would have painted the trim white too had we had more money to do so. I also told him that it was good to see someone put the work into it to make it look nice (not that it didn't look nice before). Then, we both cried....

It hurts.

It seems so wrong.

And yet...there is HOPE. I know that there is something better for us...and I shared that with Wesley. I don't know when or how....but I know that there is something better.

I am excited to see this couple move in. They have two little boys. I hope they have many more and that they fill that old house to the brim with lots and lots of love, laughter, and life! Although it will be hard to watch, I am grateful that it is going to someone good.

When I think about all of the things that have happened and brought us to this point, I am reminded that these things are all in the Lords hands. He is watching over us. And, these are simply the "stepping stones" in life that will bring us to the next spot in life.

I don't doubt that as we try to change our attitudes about life's trials and strive to be happy amidst all of the craziness, we WILL find the 'Joy in the Journey'!